Perk! Perk! PERK!!

Is this a perk? Hmmmmm….

I want to be clear about something. As a general rule I am against divorce. I am for sure not going to be the person at the party (if I ever went to a party..) saying “Yeah..it all turned out to be for the best. It was worth it. Thank God my marriage failed.” Not going to happen. Maybe someday I will feel better about it. I don’t know. I’m a work in progress. But that’s not how I feel about it right now. Not even close…

However..it does turn out that after awhile..you might start to notice some perks. They pop up here and there. Unexpectedly. Like a little Surprise Party for one! Some are pretty obvious. Like not waking up every morning next to someone who is obviously disappointed to be waking up with you. Living with someone who is constantly unhappy is exhausting. Draining. Depressing. My X was like a broken record playing sad songs all day. Enough already! It was part of the background music of my married life. His constant criticism chipped away slowly and steadily at my self esteem. What a relief when it was gone. Perk.

Sex. If and when I have it now.. It’s fun. None of the baggage from a bad marriage to ‘screw’ it up. (Pun intended). For me it’s better than married sex. It’s sex where everyone is required to bring their A game! And that is a definite perk.

No snoring. My X could have competed in the Olympics if snoring was an event. He specialized in the ‘I’m drunk again but refuse to admit it’ snore. And he had the nerve to be an asshole about it. How dare I ask him to turn over..he has to work tomorrow! Sigh. Now…silence. Perk.

No justifying what I bought at the grocery store. My X would look over the grocery store receipts like a high school English teacher grading a term paper. He made notes and circled things. He frowned. He treated me like a child. Seriously.. I’m not making this up. Now I can go crazy and buy 4 cans of peas and no one questions my decision making skills. No one cares! Perk.

I am in charge of my TV remote. I don’t have to share a bathroom. I have a turtle. Perk. Perk. Perk. No battles over who will discipline the kids. No mother-in-law. MAJOR PERK! No dealing with a sick man in my house. (I’m sure we are all familiar with the man cold..) No battles over what color to paint the living room. No judgement over days spent at home in my pajamas. No fights over that silly stuff that every married couple fights about..but no one even can remember why the  next day. No disappointment over the cruel realization that your husband doesn’t want to spend his Saturday with you. Again. The constant unfulfilled expectation is gone…You are alone and you know it. Perk.

The only way to survive divorce is to accept change. And part of that change is finding happiness in your current circumstances. Thankfully I am finding that divorce does come with a few perks.

Thank God. I’m divorced…I deserve a few perks.