Tag: perks

What do you mean I’m fired?

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I spent most of my adult life as a stay-at-home wife and mother. It was really my childhood dream. I’m serious!  I remember someone asking me once what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer? Mom, of course.  And my dream came true. I had a lovely home, three beautiful children and a loving husband (or so I thought).  I’m not going to lie…it was a pretty great gig. To say I loved it would be an understatement.  Especially the ‘mom’ part. I was right there with my kids 24/7. 365 days a year. Like every stay-at-home mother my job was definitely ‘full time.’ More like ‘all the time.’ There are no sick days. No mental health days. No vacations. When they were little-I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone. (Frankly now that they are teenagers I still can’t always go to the bathroom alone…)  No matter what you are ‘on duty.’  I had a ring side seat to their every waking (and sleeping) moment. I was there for all of the important milestones. I was their #1 fan! Beaming with pride.  For all of the normal, mundane, everyday moments that don’t seem like much at the time-I was still right beside them. (And just in case you are wondering…all those seemingly unimportant moments end up being the most important. That’s what makes the stay-at-home mom gig the best one around.) I couldn’t imagine things being any different.

I thought that wife and mom would be my lifelong career. Someday I would be promoted to Grandma! (For the record I think I will be a MeMe…)  But instead, it turned out to be the only job I have ever been fired from. The X wasn’t having it anymore. Or more specifically he wasn’t having me anymore. My days as stay-at-home mom were numbered.  So what was the end of my marriage also became the beginning of a new phase in life. ‘Single working mom.’ I put on my big girl divorce shoes and found myself a job. A career. I didn’t want to. I wanted to hold on to my old gig! Desperately. But…did I mention I was fired? That job was no longer an option. It was time to move on. And it was one of the scariest times of my life.

The thing about being a working mom is…you’re still on mom duty full-time. 24/7. Always. Forever. (Still no sick days!) But now you are going to go ahead in squeeze in another full time job. And if you throw in the ‘single’ part…it’s just another element of fun to add to the mix. You are working full time…with no built-in back up at home. Sounds easy, right? Everyone is doing it, right? Holy shit. It’s hard. Real hard. Real real hard. The first year after my divorce I went home from work everyday exhausted. My brain was on overload. I was mentally and physically drained. I was the quintessential single working mom…

But something else happened. Something unexpected. Some perks. Along with all the fear. And the exhaustion. The frozen pizza’s because I was too tired to cook. The piles of dirty clothes. The to do list that was never getting done… Along with all that stress I slowly found something new. Something I never got in my marriage! I found respect. And respect is something I didn’t receive much of during my run as a stay-at-home mom. For sure not from my X. Obviously. (But he wasn’t the only one.) At my job I found respect from the people I work with. From my friends and family. From my children. And most importantly…from myself. Respect, confidence, recognition, improved self-esteem. They all ended up being perks of my new working mom status. Who knew?

I remember one Friday night in particular during my marriage. We had been married about 10 years at the time. We had invited my sister and her family over for dinner. She was celebrating a milestone of sorts from her job. I can’t exactly remember what it was…some kind of service award. She had received a plaque! And her husband was so proud of her. My X was complimenting her. She was proud of herself. Rightfully so. And I remember thinking to myself ‘What about me? Where’s my plaque? My recognition?’ I think I even made the mistake of saying it out loud. They all laughed.  My ten years of service wasn’t respected. By my X. By anyone. I was just a stay-at-home mom.

So now I have been on both sides of the trenches. The ‘stay-at-home’ mom and the ‘working-mom.’ They are both hard. Super hard. They both deserve respect. Lot’s of respect. But believe me when I tell you…they both have their perks.

But just so you know…

In my current job…I’m definitely wearing better shoes.👠

 

Perk! Perk! PERK!!

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Is this a perk? Hmmmmm….

I want to be clear about something. As a general rule I am against divorce. I am for sure not going to be the person at the party (if I ever went to a party..) saying “Yeah..it all turned out to be for the best. It was worth it. Thank God my marriage failed.” Not going to happen. Maybe someday I will feel better about it. I don’t know. I’m a work in progress. But that’s not how I feel about it right now. Not even close…

However..it does turn out that after awhile..you might start to notice some perks. They pop up here and there. Unexpectedly. Like a little Surprise Party for one! Some are pretty obvious. Like not waking up every morning next to someone who is obviously disappointed to be waking up with you. Living with someone who is constantly unhappy is exhausting. Draining. Depressing. My X was like a broken record playing sad songs all day. Enough already! It was part of the background music of my married life. His constant criticism chipped away slowly and steadily at my self esteem. What a relief when it was gone. Perk.

Sex. If and when I have it now.. It’s fun. None of the baggage from a bad marriage to ‘screw’ it up. (Pun intended). For me it’s better than married sex. It’s sex where everyone is required to bring their A game! And that is a definite perk.

No snoring. My X could have competed in the Olympics if snoring was an event. He specialized in the ‘I’m drunk again but refuse to admit it’ snore. And he had the nerve to be an asshole about it. How dare I ask him to turn over..he has to work tomorrow! Sigh. Now…silence. Perk.

No justifying what I bought at the grocery store. My X would look over the grocery store receipts like a high school English teacher grading a term paper. He made notes and circled things. He frowned. He treated me like a child. Seriously.. I’m not making this up. Now I can go crazy and buy 4 cans of peas and no one questions my decision making skills. No one cares! Perk.

I am in charge of my TV remote. I don’t have to share a bathroom. I have a turtle. Perk. Perk. Perk. No battles over who will discipline the kids. No mother-in-law. MAJOR PERK! No dealing with a sick man in my house. (I’m sure we are all familiar with the man cold..) No battles over what color to paint the living room. No judgement over days spent at home in my pajamas. No fights over that silly stuff that every married couple fights about..but no one even can remember why the  next day. No disappointment over the cruel realization that your husband doesn’t want to spend his Saturday with you. Again. The constant unfulfilled expectation is gone…You are alone and you know it. Perk.

The only way to survive divorce is to accept change. And part of that change is finding happiness in your current circumstances. Thankfully I am finding that divorce does come with a few perks.

Thank God. I’m divorced…I deserve a few perks.