That’s just how I am…

So I have a ‘pet peeve.’ Actually it’s a little more than a pet peeve. That makes it sound trivial. It’s something that totally irritates the shit out of me. And more seriously than that- it has caused me great pain in my life.

It’s that person that acts like a total bitch about something…and then say’s ‘that’s just how I am’ when you have finally had enough and you get up the nerve to mention it to them. Wait a minute here… What? Is that an excuse? An explanation? What do you mean that’s ‘just how you are’? You mean you’re being a total bitch right now and you’re okay with it? And now you want me to be okay with it as well because apparently you are too lazy to change your behavior. And by the way this basically means that you are expecting me to change my behavior in some way so that I can deal with your issues.  Hmmm… Does that actually make sense to you? Does it make sense to anyone? I’m seriously asking here! Is this behavior okay?

Listen friends… ‘That’s just how I am’ is the equivalent of ‘I’m just saying.’ And you shouldn’t be saying either. Especially if you are over the age of 13.  Let me give you an example.

I have a ‘friend’ who seems to be quite moody. Downright difficult. You don’t always know where you stand with her.  And it can be tiring. But if you mention this to her she unapologetically replies ‘That’s just how I am.’ As if she has no control over her own behavior. She can just be ‘who she is’ without any of the repercussions.  As if people are incapable of changing their behaviors. In her mind it’s not her problem-it’s yours. She has no responsibility in this.

I’m guessing it’s obvious that I’m going to bring this back around to my X.  My X was a big believer that people couldn’t change. He used that excuse often. He was just being him. And that was the end of it. Deal with it.  I on the other hand have the opinion that people change every day. People who say they can’t change just don’t want to. They don’t feel they need to. It’s easier to quit than to grow as a person. They obviously think that their feelings about any given situation trump yours. It’s narcissistic behavior at it’s best.  Maybe that is what really bothers me. I can still here my X’s voice in my head clearly. ‘People don’t change. Especially not at my age.’ ‘This is how I was raised. This is how my family was.’ Newsflash– your parents didn’t seem to have that great of a marriage. And your family doesn’t seem that happy with each other. I’m not sure how you don’t see that?! (And btw…it has been scientifically proven that you CAN teach old dogs new tricks. Age is irrelevant. Are you not as smart as a dog??) To me that attitude is the ultimate in selfish behavior. It’s immature and hurtful. If your behavior consistently is causing problems in your relationships-with people you supposedly care about-maybe…just maybe… you should consider a little self-reflection.

Maybe you can change. If you try. I believe you can! Isn’t that what life is really about? Is it really that impossible to try something different? To try something new for the people in your life? If you really are incapable of change- maybe you aren’t as smart as you think you are.

Actually…lets be honest. You definitely aren’t as smart as you think you are.👠

***And I recently read a quote which I found to be perfect. “A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” Muhammad Ali