I was recently in a meeting at work with my Boss and a few other people. As the meeting wrapped up, things shifted to the obligatory small talk. My boss started telling us about his weekend with his wife. They had gone shopping for a sleep number bed. Sigh… Listening to someone’s stories about their ‘married couple’ weekends isn’t my favorite thing. It always makes me a little sad. But since it’s my job and he’s my Boss I feign interest and listen politely. So apparently while my boss and his wife are shopping for a new bed the salesman gets a bit cranky for whatever reason, and snaps at the Boss’s wife. And the Boss wasn’t having it! He asks his wife to please excuse them for a second. And when she steps back quietly the Boss tells the Salesman…”Sir, please never talk to my wife that way again.”
Okay, now he has my attention. He goes on with his story. And that exchange with the cranky Salesman wasn’t even top billing for him. But it sure as hell was for me! I’ve thought about it time and time again. Chivalry isn’t dead! But it’s more than that. So much more than that. To me it seemed romantic. I’m sure it made her feel special. It wasn’t just manners. It was a shining example of protecting the one that you love.
I have a memory of going out to eat with my X and the kids probably 6 months before I found out about his affair. We went to try a new Japanese Steakhouse in a nearby town. And somehow I got the wrong order. I’m not sure if they messed it up or I did. It could have been either. I was also ordering for 3 kids- and one of them did NOT want to be where we were. So when the order came I questioned it. “I don’t think this is mine?” I ask. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t even frustrated. I was more like confused. But the waiter was cranky! Out of the corner of my eye I saw my X roll his eyes and shake his head at the waiter. He made it very clear he thought I was stupid. It was hurtful to say the least. I flushed red in embarrassment. Unlike my Boss and his wife…my X had no worry about helping me. No need to demand respect for me. I had no value to him. And now even the waiter knew it.
I always say relationships are about the little things. How you make the other person feel. Do you value them? As the X drove the kids and me home after lunch that day I remember replaying it over and over in my head. ‘What the hell has happened to us?’ I wondered. I wanted to feel loved, cherished, and protected. I wanted to feel valued. Instead I was feeling sad, resentful, and angry. I was hurt.
Is it wrong to want chivalry? Is it a mistake to want someone (besides your mom) to feel protective towards you? Have I read too many romance novels? I like receiving flowers if I have had a bad day. Or having someone meet the electrician for me, because it makes me nervous to have a man I don’t know in the house. It may be silly…but they don’t care! I like the idea of a man who holds your hand when you walk down the street together to make sure you are safe. Who willingly holds the umbrella over you to keep your hair from getting wet…or more importantly-your good shoes. I want someone who worries about your safety when you’re jogging alone in the park. Even though you are a grown woman…they still worry! Someone who sends that ‘are you home safe’ text when no one else does. But they do.
That person will never let some cranky salesman, waiter, neighbor, or any random asshole at Walmart get away with being rude to you. Never! And the reason is simple. They respect you. The naturally want to protect you. And of course, they love you…
And I would love them too…
Divorce Shoes 