Tag: dating

So what’s the point?

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My bdf (best divorced friend) is sure that everything bad we go through has some kind of a purpose. Like divorce. Like break-ups. It’s a learning experience. She thinks that once you wade through the pool of shit of whatever you are currently struggling with..there will be something better waiting on the other side. One of Oprahs ‘ah-ha’ moments. The holy grail..

I’m unconvinced. It seems to me that sometimes we wade through the shit..to find a mountain of shit on the other side. Or maybe the pool gets a little shallower..more like a puddle. But still no prize in sight. And the smell is atrocious. Life is just like that.

And that’s the hard part. I think that’s why we all get stuck. We need it to have meaning. I mean surely all this pain wasn’t for nothing? Right?!  If we can just figure out the why..the lesson..we can move on and find the good that is waiting patiently for us somewhere. And so here we all are-standing in crap- and can’t figure out where to go next. Plus..I’m getting used to the smell anyway.

So what’s the point? The skeptic in me says maybe by trying to figure out what happened and why..we become to afraid to move forward. To try again. I mean we definitely want to avoid being hurt again. And how are we going to avoid it if we haven’t figured out the answer? That’s logical..right?

For several years after my divorce I dreamed about my X almost every night. Not good dreams. The ones where you wake up in a full blown anxiety attack. Even my subconscious was trying to come up with a why for me. But the truth is that a why is really hard to come by in relationships gone bad. Because his side and her side don’t match up. He obviously doesn’t realize he is a narcissistic cheating ass. I think by definition that’s what makes him a narcissist. I promise he isn’t spending time worrying about the past. So why am I?

Maybe instead of looking for the answer- maybe we should just bury that shit and move on. Call it a draw and walk away. And let me say I don’t think it will be easy. We are conditioned to worry. To take responsibility. To be understanding. To solve the problems of those around us. But really? What’s the point? I’m tired of other people’s crap. And if I bury it-maybe I can grow some lovely roses. Shit does make the best fertilizer.

So grab your cutest heels and a shovel!

Do you smell something? Sniff sniff? I hope I don’t have something on my shoe..💩👠

X’s and Oh-Oh-Orgasms

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I had me a boy, he said he was a man
I showed him all the things he refused to understand
Whoa, and then He let ME go…

The first time I had sex after my marriage was over I felt like sending a Certified Letter to my X. I had a great need to tell him what a lazy piece of shit he really was. It was almost laughable really. I married youngish.. I guess I had set the bar pretty low. And even with my low expectations I was still usually disappointed. The X wasn’t to worried about my ‘oh-oh-oh’s’… But I didn’t dwell. I focused on other things. I didn’t know any different. I thought it was my fault.

But now- My divorce helped me realize how important it is to have Great Sex. That I didn’t deserve anything less. Sex isn’t just for men.. And by ignoring that I did myself a great disservice. 15 years of disservice. I ignored one of the most obvious facts during my marriage…

If your husband isn’t having sex with you it’s because he’s having sex with someone else. Your Oh-oh-orgasm is being provided elsewhere. Bottom line. Don’t tell yourself that it’s just because he’s stressed. Or that it’s his back hurting. Or it’s because the laundry room is messy.. The house isn’t clean. He’s had to much to drink again. You don’t talk to him respectfully enough. You spend to much money. He couldn’t find clean underwear. He has to work. (All excuses I heard…among others) Listen carefully people. If your spouse doesn’t want to screw you..they are screwing someone else. Period. End of story. Truth.

The lack of intimacy in my marriage was painful. And embarrassing. I kept it a secret. I mean every woman I talked to complained about how their husband always wanted to have sex with them. I would nod and smile in understanding..while secretly wondering how that must feel. It sounded so nice to me.. These women weren’t perfect. I had seen their laundry rooms! But their husbands still cared enough about them to want them to ‘oh’..often

What if I hadn’t gotten divorced? What if I had a received my wish (at the time) and stayed married? So maybe what my Certified Letter to my X should say is Thank You! And let me tell you…this would be the only thank you he would ever receive from me. And I might add in a little Congrats for his ‘upgrade’…I’m pretty sure she is getting what she deserves…

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My Ex’s and Oh-Oh-Oh’s they haunt me

Like ghosts they want me to have’em all
They won’t let go…
Ex’s and oh’s