Who needs sleep? One of the realities of being a divorced single mother…I can’t sleep. No sleep here. I know I’m not alone. Everyone is tired. Tired is the ‘new black’ I think. And everyone knows that the new black is slimming. I’m sorry I think I just dozed off a little. I forgot what I was saying… Anyway I can’t sleep. It’s like after being exhausted all day long and dreaming of rejuvenating sleep..I crawl into bed and boom. Wide awake. Not fucking tired. At. All. I mean I’ve got stuff to worry about. I am the only adult human being in my house. Me. It’s all my responsibility. The worrying is 100% my job. No tag team here. This is some serious shit. No back up available. All hands on deck…and still it’s just me. Mom. That’s it. Me with 3 kids. And 3 dogs. And the cats. And the hedgehogs and Guinea pigs..and the fish if they didn’t die. Shit. Did I feed the fish? I better get up and check.
Since I’m up I should check on the kids. Yes- you have to give me your cell phone it’s time for bed. Did you wash your face son? No the Guinea Pig can’t sleep in your bed! And if I’m up I better go to the bathroom again (I did mention I’m over 40 and gave birth to 3 children..my bladder is unreliable…)
Unlike my teenage children I want to go to sleep. I desire sleep. Sleep awesome …tired not so awesome. So after checking that the front door is locked..rechecking my alarm-twice..I’m ready to sleep. I’m determined. It’s 10:23. I calculate how much sleep I get if I go to sleep now…and now…how about now?
So I like to play this game to help me fall asleep. My ‘if I win the lottery game.’ If I win the lottery I will-fill in the blank here… It changes according to my day. Common themes include a full time maid..beach vacations..and quitting my job. Some variances include a pool…a convertible..plastic surgery…a wing at the Children’s Hospital. New shoes! Sometimes I’m learning French..other times I own my very own island. It’s working..I’m feeling relaxed. I’m going to sleep. Then Boom Baby!
What’s this? I didn’t when the Lottery…my X and the homewrecker won the lottery?!? Are you kidding! Somehow this shitty little thought wormed it’s way into my happy place. Now I’m genuinely worrying about this ridiculous little nightmare. I feel the potential sleep evaporate as I picture myself huddled alone while the dynamic duo of evil drink champagne and laugh and dance around with my children and their winning lottery ticket…
Wait did you hear that?!? Is something on the roof? Did I lock the front door? Did I set my alarm? Do I have an early meeting at work tomorrow? I need to pee…
I guess I better get up and check. I’m really not that tired anyway.
Divorce Shoes 