Old Mother Hubbard was definitely divorced. It’s obvious isn’t it? This woman is living in a shoe. And not a cute one. Oh wait. That’s the Old Lady. The Old Lady Lived in the Shoe. And swallowed a fly? Mother Hubbard had that dog who was kind of an asshole. But they are definitely divorced. And whose dish ran away with that home wrecking spoon? That bitch is definitely divorced. I think the bitch with no spoons is actually me.
Why don’t I have any spoons? Where are they? How did this happen? I imagine that married women have all their spoons. When I was married I had spoons! I can remember a point in my life when I actually counted them after a party to make sure none were thrown away. My X actually expected it. He had a fear of missing flatware. Now as I sit here eating ice cream with a fork..that memory is distant.
I’m a divorced single working mom. There is no time or energy for counting flatware. My children wonder about the spoons. Which is pretty rich..since we all know that they are the ones who lost the spoons in the first place! And of course they ‘don’t know’ what happened to them. So this is our reality. We don’t fucking have spoons. Our socks are unmatched. Our DVD cases are empty. Don’t even ask me for a pair of scissors. You need a lid for that Tupperware bowl? Really? Stop with your irrational demands. And if you ask me for scotch tape I might have to smack you..
I’m outnumbered and tired. And eating peas with a knife seems a skill we all need to master anyway. Divorce has a way of putting things in perspective.
And counting silverware before I go to bed…I’ll leave that to the someone else… I ‘Ain’t got time for that..’ 🍴👠
Divorce Shoes 