I have another question. And this one isn’t about sex. Not this time. It is about a relationship. Specifically, it is about one of my relationships. I was having a ‘discussion’ with someone important to me recently and I made this statement.
“Actions speak louder than words” I informed him passionately. It’s something I have always heard. And that I have always believed. I was confident in my statement.
“Words speak louder than actions” was his reply.
“Huh???” I don’t think so… What are you talking about? I have never seen that on a bumper sticker. But as the days have gone by I have thought about his statement more than once. Which is it? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Is there a right answer? So you know that I of course Googled it. And Google seemed to agree with me. There are many songs and poems written about it. They seem to agree with me. My friends all say that they agree with me. But I’m still trying to be opened minded. To see his side. Can it go both ways?
My experiences with ‘words only’ haven’t been that great I have to admit. Have you ever heard of a lie? I have. Words are easy. They can be a quick fix. ‘Of course I love you!’ A well placed I love you can heal a lot of things. Saying I love you is a crucial part of a successful relationship. It’s definitely something I want to hear. Need to hear. Something that I love to hear! But it’s also something that I don’t always believe… I’m sure that my X told me he loved me thousands of times over the course of our marriage. But guess what? He didn’t. (That’s why we are divorced…) We have all heard it before. Words are cheap. And that’s why they can’t always be trusted. People can easily manipulate you with words. Even when they don’t mean too… ‘I am your person.’ ‘I think you are beautiful.’ ‘You make me laugh.’ ‘I miss you.’ All these things are nice to hear. Important to hear! They can diffuse a fight and make the difference between a good and bad day. But in my mind they don’t hold a candle to action.
Nothing makes me feel more loved than lying in bed with someone who unconsciously reaches over to touch you. Maybe even while they are sleeping. Just to make sure that you are still there. They are checking to see that you are okay. They want to feel you next to them. Hear you breathing. Being held at night by someone who loves you can be one of the safest feelings in the world. It is an action that speaks volumes about how someone feels about you. How important you are to them. Or how about when you are sitting quietly at home with someone you love and you notice them staring at you-their expression filled with love. Even when you have no make-up on and your hair is a mess. What a beautiful thing. Those spontaneous and unrehearsed actions are priceless.
But what about what ‘he’ said. About the words. Does he have a point? Maybe for some people saying the words is difficult! I have heard stories from people who say that their mothers never actually said the words ‘I love you’ to them. That seems crazy to me! I assume that these mothers showed it through their actions. Let’s hope! But I bet those children longed to hear those three simple words from their mothers.
So is that the answer? Does it have to be a combination of both? Do we all just want what we don’t have? Or are we both right?? Maybe the most important thing is just making sure the person you love is getting what they need. Even when you don’t understand it. Maybe it’s about balance. It’s not just saying I value you…its about showing it as well.
Like all my questions…this one is complicated.
So I guess that leads me to another question. How do you guys feel about compromise??👠
Divorce Shoes 